18 of the Best

When I was born, I was given a choice – A big dick or a good memory.
I don’t remember, what I chose.

A birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings…”

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men -“don’t” and “stop”, unless they are used together.

Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.

There are three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Virginity can be cured.

Virginity is not dignity, it’s lack of opportunity.

Having sex is like playing bridge.
If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

Q: What’s an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with the hole and she was happy with the thing.

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn’t.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don’t have eyes.

Despite the old saying, “Don’t take your troubles to bed”, many men still sleep with their wives.

A friend asked what I would regret most if I were to die in my sleep?
Probably going to bed.

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