What’s Sex?

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, “Daddy, what’s sex?”

Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams. He thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works. He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he’s finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge.

Her father finally asks, “So what did you want to know about sex for?”

“Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs…”

Gambling Problem

Little Johnny goes to school one day and his dad tells the teacher Johnny has a gambling problem and might bet the kids for their lunch money.

The teacher said, “I can handle it.” Well later that day Johnny’s dad gets a call from the teacher. “I think I’ve cured Johnny’s betting problem,” said the teacher.

“How?” asked Johnny’s dad.

“Well he bet me ten bucks there was a mole on my ass. I took him to the teachers lounge and showed him there wasn’t one there. And I took his ten bucks.”

“Damn, he bet me fifty bucks he would see the teachers ass before the day was through.”

Typical male!

A man parks his car a the supermarket and is walking past an empty cart when he hears a woman ask, “Excuse me, do you want that cart?”

“No,” he answers, “I’m only after one thing.”

As he gets closer to the store, he hears the woman murmur under her breath, “Typical male!”

Is It Male or Female?

At the Immigration’s desk in a Canadian port, a newcomer hands over his papers. The clerk checks them over and says, Sir, you put 2 in the sex section?

Yes, 2 times per week, the man replies.

But is it male or female? asks the clerk.

It doesn’t matter.

10 Things in Golf, That Sound Naughty

  1. Look at the size of his putter.
  2. Oh, dang, my shaft’s all bent.
  3. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
  4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
  5. My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip.
  6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
  7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
  8. Just turn your back and drop it.
  9. Hold up. I’ve got to wash my balls.
  10. Damn, I missed the hole again.