A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”
“You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly.
“In this country … we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives …
“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spella ‘Mississippi’.”
Woman: I had Sex wid only 4 boyz in my entire life & U had it wid 16 Girls, still,
Everybody Calls me a SLUT & Cal u a REAL MAN,
Man: It’s because,
when a Lock is Opened by many Keys,
it Becomes a BAD LOCK.
But when a Key Opens many Locks, it becomes a MASTER KEY.. 😉 😉
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy with four young mothers.
“You all have obsessions.”,The doctor observed.
To the 1st mother, he said,
“You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named you’re daughter ‘Candy’.”
He looks to the 2nd mother saying, “Your obsession is with money.
Again, It manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.”
He looks to the third mother ‘n says, “Your obsession is alcohol.
This manifests itself in your child’s name, Brandy.”
At this point,
The 4th mother Gets up,
Takes her little boy by the hand ‘n says to him, “Come on, Dick, We’re leaving!”
A guy walked into a pub and immediately noticed a young lady at the bar on her own. After a couple of drinks he decided to offer her a drink and make small talk. She accepted.
What’s your name? he asked her.
Carmen, she replied.
That’s a nice name. Did your mother or father name you that?
Neither. I changed my name when I was eighteen from Sharon to Carmen.
Why did you do that? he asked.
Well, she explained, I like men and I like cars, so that is how I got my name. What’s your name?
Beerpussy, the man replied.