Special Sandals for Freak

This married couple was on holiday in India. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a salesman say, “You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.”

So the married couple walked in. The Indian man said to them “I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. They make you wild at sex like great desert camel.”

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them. The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a sex freak?” The salesman replied, “Just try them on.”

Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn’t seen in many years!! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the salesman, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the man’s thighs.

The salesman then began screaming, “STOP!!! YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FOOT!!”

Fucking Insult

Man teases his ex-wife’s new hushand: so dude how was the second-hand stuff?

New husband: Not bad, after the first 2 inches, she was brand new!

He said to me

  1. I don’t know why you wear a bra, you’ve got nothing to put in it. I said to him You wear pants don’t you?
  2. Shall we try swapping positions tonight?I said to him, that’s a good idea, you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
  3. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? I said to him Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
  4. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good – looking? I said to him They already have boyfriends.
  5. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?I said to him. A widow.
  6. Why are married women heavier than single women? I said to him. Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

A Vicious Circle.. happens when …

The boss calls his secretary says, “Get ready for the weekend. We are going to have hot extended sexual sessions, under the excuse of a ‘business trip'”!…

The secretary calls her own husband says, “My boss has a business trip for two days. I have to accompany him, to help him out with his meetings. So, take care of yourself the children “…

The secretary’s husband calls his Mistress says, “Get ready for the weekend. We are going to have hot extended sexual sessions, as my wife is going with her boss, on a business trip”…

The Mistress, calls the little boy, to whom she gives tuitions says, “No tuition this weekend “…

The little boy calls his grand-father says, “Grandpa, good news ! At last we can spend the weekend together ! I have no tuitions this weekend ! “…

The Grandpa, who is actually the secretary’s boss, calls her again says, “Our trip is cancelled. I have to spend the weekend with my grand son “…

The secretary calls her own husband again says, “My boss has cancelled the trip. I will be at home this weekend we can have fun ! “…

The Mistress, calls the little boy, to whom she gives tuitions again says, “There will be tuition, this weekend “…

The little boy calls his grand-father again says, “Grandpa, bad news ! We cant spend the weekend together ! I have tuitions this weekend ! “…

The Grand pa ( boss ) calls his secretary says, “I cant spend the weekend with my grandson. Get ready for the weekend. We are going to have hot extended sexual sessions, under the excuse of a ‘business trip'”!…

The secretary calls her own husband again says, “My boss has a business trip for two days. I have to accompany him, to help him out with his meetings. So, take care of yourself the children “…

My husband said and I replied …

He said to me … “I don’t understand,  why you wear a bra.   You have nothing to put,  in it   ! ”
I said to him … “You wear pants.   Don’t you  ? ”

He said to me … “Shall we try,  swapping positions,  tonight  ? ”
I said to him … “That is a great idea  !   You cook and I will sit in front of the TV,  doing nothing  ! ”

He said to me … “What did you do,  with all the grocery money,  that I gave you  ? ”
I said to him … “Turn sideways,  in front of the mirror and look at yourself  ! ”

He said to me … “Why don’t you blink,  during my foreplay on you,  in the bed  ? ”
I said to him … “I don’t get enough time,  to blink  ! ”

He said to me … “Does this house need me,  to change a roll of toilet paper  ? ”
I said to him … “I don’t know.   It has never happened  ! ”

He said to me … “Am I not sensitive,  caring    good looking  ? ”
I said to him … “Such men,  usually have boy-friends  ! ”

He said to me … “All wives,  usually know,  where their husbands are at nights ”
I said to him … “Only widows  ! ”

He said to me … “Why are you heavier,  than beautiful single women  ? ”
I said to him … “Beautiful single women,  come home from work,  see whats in the fridge and go to bed.   I come home from work,  see whats on the bed and go to the fridge   !!! “