Golf – The Games People Play !

Two women were playing golf.

One tee’d off and watched in horror, as her golf ball, headed directly towards four men, playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed over to the man and immediately began to apologize.

She said anxiously to him … ” Please allow me to help. I am a Physiotherapist. I know I could relieve your pain, if you would allow me ”

The man replied in pain … ” Oh, no ! I shall be all right. I should be fine, in a few minutes ”

But he was clearly still in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. The woman persisted on helping him.

Finally, he allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side. She loosened his pants. She put her hand under his brief. She cupped his testicles very gently and started soothingly massaging them. She continued doing so, for almost 2-3 minutes. The man shut his eyes and was obviously enjoying the massage !

Finally, continuing to massage his testicles, she asked him, ” How does that feel ? ”

The man replied … ” Ma’am, this feels like heaven ! I am thoroughly enjoying your hands on my testicles. But I am still a bit worried that, maybe I may have broken my thumb !!! “

A Vicious Circle.. happens when …

The boss calls his secretary says, “Get ready for the weekend. We are going to have hot extended sexual sessions, under the excuse of a ‘business trip'”!…

The secretary calls her own husband says, “My boss has a business trip for two days. I have to accompany him, to help him out with his meetings. So, take care of yourself the children “…

The secretary’s husband calls his Mistress says, “Get ready for the weekend. We are going to have hot extended sexual sessions, as my wife is going with her boss, on a business trip”…

The Mistress, calls the little boy, to whom she gives tuitions says, “No tuition this weekend “…

The little boy calls his grand-father says, “Grandpa, good news ! At last we can spend the weekend together ! I have no tuitions this weekend ! “…

The Grandpa, who is actually the secretary’s boss, calls her again says, “Our trip is cancelled. I have to spend the weekend with my grand son “…

The secretary calls her own husband again says, “My boss has cancelled the trip. I will be at home this weekend we can have fun ! “…

The Mistress, calls the little boy, to whom she gives tuitions again says, “There will be tuition, this weekend “…

The little boy calls his grand-father again says, “Grandpa, bad news ! We cant spend the weekend together ! I have tuitions this weekend ! “…

The Grand pa ( boss ) calls his secretary says, “I cant spend the weekend with my grandson. Get ready for the weekend. We are going to have hot extended sexual sessions, under the excuse of a ‘business trip'”!…

The secretary calls her own husband again says, “My boss has a business trip for two days. I have to accompany him, to help him out with his meetings. So, take care of yourself the children “…

My husband said and I replied …

He said to me … “I don’t understand,  why you wear a bra.   You have nothing to put,  in it   ! ”
I said to him … “You wear pants.   Don’t you  ? ”

He said to me … “Shall we try,  swapping positions,  tonight  ? ”
I said to him … “That is a great idea  !   You cook and I will sit in front of the TV,  doing nothing  ! ”

He said to me … “What did you do,  with all the grocery money,  that I gave you  ? ”
I said to him … “Turn sideways,  in front of the mirror and look at yourself  ! ”

He said to me … “Why don’t you blink,  during my foreplay on you,  in the bed  ? ”
I said to him … “I don’t get enough time,  to blink  ! ”

He said to me … “Does this house need me,  to change a roll of toilet paper  ? ”
I said to him … “I don’t know.   It has never happened  ! ”

He said to me … “Am I not sensitive,  caring    good looking  ? ”
I said to him … “Such men,  usually have boy-friends  ! ”

He said to me … “All wives,  usually know,  where their husbands are at nights ”
I said to him … “Only widows  ! ”

He said to me … “Why are you heavier,  than beautiful single women  ? ”
I said to him … “Beautiful single women,  come home from work,  see whats in the fridge and go to bed.   I come home from work,  see whats on the bed and go to the fridge   !!! “

The Geography of a Man and Woman

The Geography of a Woman

  • Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
  • Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
  • Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
  • Between 36 and 30, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
  • Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.
  • Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn’t make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
  • Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
  • After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages, An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

The Geography of a Man

  • Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran, ruled by the nuts.

The End.

Cheese Tomate Sandwiches

Boy: So, sex at my place?
Girl: Yeah!
Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we’re making sandwiches so this is the code.
Cheese = Faster.
Tomato = Harder.
Girl: OK?

~Later~

Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE!
Brother: Stop making sandwiches!