This morning I was beaten up by a woman..
I was in an elevator when this busty woman got in.
I was staring at her boobs, when she said, would you please press 1 ..?
So I did.
I don’t remember much afterwards.
Women & Men, I-Phones & Blackberrys !
Women are like iPhones. You have to touch them all over before they respond.
Men are like Blackberries. Rub one ball and everything moves.
Some facts of life…
A bit naughty, but who cares? We are all grown up.
- Success is like pregnancy.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it. - What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction?
What the Fuck! And What a Fuck! - People having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome.
So next time someone calls you ‘HANDSOME’, don’t take it as a compliment! - Life is like a dick,
Sometimes it becomes hard for no reason. - Practical thought:
A husband is supposed to make his wife’s panties wet, not her eyes.
A wife is supposed to make her husband’s dick hard, not his life… - According To William Sexfear — A Drunk Guy Is A Liability,
But A Drunk woman is an asset - Boy and girl help each other to undress before sex.
How ever after sex they always dress on their own.Moral: In life no one helps you once you are fucked. - When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her tummy and say congratulations.
But none of them come and touch the man’s Dick and say good job.Moral: Hard work is never appreciated only result matters.
Calorie Burning Tips
- REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent….12 Calories
Without her consent….2187 Calories - OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands….8 Calories
With one hand….12 Calories
With your teeth….485 Calories - PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection….6 Calories
Without an erection….3315 Calories - POSITIONS:
Missionary….1 2 Calories
69 lying down….78 Calories
69 standing up….812 Calories
Wheelbarrow….216 Calories
Doggy Style….326 Calories
Italian chandelier…. 2912 Calories - ORGASMS:
Real….11 2 Calories
Fake….1315 Calories - POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging…. ….18 Calories
Getting up immediately…. ….36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately….816 Calories - GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years….36 Calories
30-39 years….80 Calories
40-49 years….124 Calories
50-59 years….1972 Calories
60-69 years….7916 Calories
70 and over….Results are still pending. - DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly….32 Calories
In a hurry…. ….98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door….5218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door….13,521 Calories
Golf – The Games People Play !
Two women were playing golf.
One tee’d off and watched in horror, as her golf ball, headed directly towards four men, playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed over to the man and immediately began to apologize.
She said anxiously to him … ” Please allow me to help. I am a Physiotherapist. I know I could relieve your pain, if you would allow me ”
The man replied in pain … ” Oh, no ! I shall be all right. I should be fine, in a few minutes ”
But he was clearly still in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. The woman persisted on helping him.
Finally, he allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side. She loosened his pants. She put her hand under his brief. She cupped his testicles very gently and started soothingly massaging them. She continued doing so, for almost 2-3 minutes. The man shut his eyes and was obviously enjoying the massage !
Finally, continuing to massage his testicles, she asked him, ” How does that feel ? ”
The man replied … ” Ma’am, this feels like heaven ! I am thoroughly enjoying your hands on my testicles. But I am still a bit worried that, maybe I may have broken my thumb !!! “