Naughty Humour For Adults

Behind every great woman is her bum.

Are your legs made of Nutella?
Because I’d like to spread them!


A true gentleman holds a door open for his lady and then slaps her ass!


I’m not staring at your boobs, I’m staring at your heart!


What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A lesbian with a hard-on!


The best thing about having a penis is…
Sharing it with people – who don’t have it!


How can you tell a head nurse?
She’s the one with the dirty knees!


If one has sex with a prostitute against her will,
is it considered rape or shoplifting?


Girls, if you’re in an argument with a guy and there is no way to win…
Start playing with your boobs!


Most of my problems can be solved with nudity!

What’s Wrong With My Tits?

What’s wrong with my tits?
Can someone explain it to me?
Why must I keep them covered up?
Why can’t they come out to play?
If it weren’t for tits, nobody would be alive
On what would babies feed?
What about the times before bottles?
And what is so evil about tits anyway?
Does anyone think they are dangerous?
How many people have been killed by tits?
Do looking at them make people go blind?
Does anyone think they are gross?
My tits aren’t gross
My tits are awesome!
What would happen if I went shopping topless?
What if I played football for the skins’ team?
Would you really arrest me?
For what crime?
If I can go topless at the beach
Or even completely nude
Then why can’t I strip down anywhere?
What difference would it make?
Give us women our freedom
Wouldn’t that be fair?
Give us this right
Let our tits be bare.

Explain Yourself!

There was this couple that was married for 10 years, and had a fine sex life, with one exception – every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights all the way.

Well, at first it wasn’t so annoying, but after 20 years of marriage the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit. Frustrated woman

So one night, while they were in the middle of a romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down and saw her husband was holding a specially made pleasure device. She got very angry. “You impotent bastard!” she screamed at him, “How could you have been lying to me all these years? You better explain yourself!”

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly, “I’ll explain the toy if you explain where the kids came from.”

A Theory of Happiness

A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he decides to test this theory. He convenes all the couples he can find at a special seminar.

He then starts by asking the many people in the audience.  “How many people here make love once a day?”

Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely.

“Once a week?”

A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant.

“How many of you make love once a month?” A few hands tepidly go up. No grins could be sighted.

Then he asks, “OK, how about once a year?” To his shock, one man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands and whistling.

The therapist is shocked—this man’s reaction completely disproves his theory! “If you make love only once a year,” he asks, “why are you so happy?”

The man yells, “Today’s the day!”

Moral Of The Story

One day, a cat and a rooster went for a walk. The cat slipped and fell into a pond full of water. When it came out, it was all wet.

The rooster laughed his heart out.

Moral of the story: Where there is a wet pussy, there is a happy cock