An old couple in an old folks home are having an affair, nothing much they just sit watching TV late at night while the old woman holds the old mans dick. Then suddenly the old man ends the affair because of another woman.
The old woman’s distraught and yells, “WHAT’S THIS OTHER WOMAN GOT THAT I HAVEN’T!”
The old man smiles and says, “Parkinson’s disease”
A 90 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
“I’ve never been better!” he boasted. “I’ve got an eighteen year old bride who’s pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?”
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, “Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season.
But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.”
The doctor continued, “So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle.” “And do you know what happened?” the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied “No”.
The doctor continued, “The bear dropped dead in front of him!”
“That’s impossible!” exclaimed the old man. “Someone else must have shot that bear.”
“That’s kind of what I’m getting at…” replied the doctor.
If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And t hat was the origin of “buy one get one free”!!
Did you ever notice: everything on a woman’s upper body starts with a “B”. Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body. With a “P” Petticoat, panties, pussy… No wonder men suffer from high B P!
Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you’re screwed.
Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got screwed to achieve it.
What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the Fuck! And What a Fuck!
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you ‘HANDSOME’, don’t take it as a compliment!
Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife’s panties wet, not her eyes.
A wife is supposed to make her husband’s dick hard, not his life..!
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say “Congrats!”.
But none of them come and touch the man’s Penis and say “Well done!”.
Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only result matters.
The Bible says to love one another, The Kamasutra shows you how.
Now that I’ve educated. You, go ahead and educate someone else.
Crocodile Dung: Ancient Egyptian documents dating back to 1850 B.C. Describe how pessaries — objects or concoctions inserted into the vagina to block sperm — made of crocodile dung, honey, and sodium carbonate were common contraceptive methods. Crocodile dung is actually slightly alkaline, like modern-day spermicides, so it might have worked.
Weasel’s Testicles: Medieval cultures had some creative ways to stave off babies, like tying a weasel’s testicles around their inner thighs. According to the myth, if one takes the two testicles of a weasel and wraps them up, binding them to the thigh of a woman who wears also a weasel bone on her, she will no longer be able to conceive. Obviously, the method is nonsense.
Mercury: More dangerous contraceptive practices included the drinking of lead and mercury by Chinese women thousands of years ago. This deadly potion was used by concubines in ancient China in order to remain sterile. These substances are known to cause things like kidney failure, brain damage and, of course, death.
Brewed Tea With Beaver Testicles: This practice dates back to the 16th century in Canada, when women sought to prevent conception by soaking dried beaver testicles in a concentrated solution of alcohol and then deeply drinking the resulting infuse. There is no record of its effectiveness.