The three stages of marital sex:
Honeymoon sex… Where you have sex three or four times a night.
Vacation sex… Where you have sex ten or twelve times a year.
Oral sex… Where you stand on the opposite side of the room and shout ‘FU’!
No Excuse
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student’s immediate family.
A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?” The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, “Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write with.”
Male VS Female Facts
- Male Sexual Facts…?I don’t know if these are true or not. I question its validity because I thought it was normal to have a 9 inch penis.
- 94% of men lie about their dick size. According to condom manufacturers, only 6% of men need extra large condoms.
- The average man is 5 inches long when erect (no matter what you have heard ladies, that’s the truth). Incidentally the average vaginal capacity is only 6 inches, for you women who think you can handle king dong.
- 80% of American men are circumcised. It’s healthier.
- No matter what all the ads say, nothing can make your penis grow but time (most men reach the end of their growth by the early 20’s)
- There is no correlation between penis size and shoe size, hand size, or nose size.
- Blue balls does exist! It’s technically called “prostatic congestion.”
- Only 16% of men shave their privates.
- Women Sexual Facts…?
- Only 9% of women around the globe consider themselves “attractive” (20% of British women do). 43% of women use the term “natural”, 24% say they have “average” looks, 8% prefer the term “feminine”, 7% say they are “good looking”, and 7% say they are “cute”, and finally only 2% of women say they are “sexy”.
- An estimated 85% of women wear the wrong size bra.
- 60% of women have had breast implants (this seems ridiculously high)
- 75% of women like giving/getting oral sex.
- 95% of women shave their pussies…I mean privates.
Naughty Humour For Adults
Behind every great woman is her bum.
——————————————–
Are your legs made of Nutella?
Because I’d like to spread them!
——————————————–
A true gentleman holds a door open for his lady and then slaps her ass!
——————————————–
I’m not staring at your boobs, I’m staring at your heart!
——————————————–
What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A lesbian with a hard-on!
——————————————–
The best thing about having a penis is…
Sharing it with people – who don’t have it!
——————————————–
How can you tell a head nurse?
She’s the one with the dirty knees!
——————————————–
If one has sex with a prostitute against her will,
is it considered rape or shoplifting?
——————————————–
Girls, if you’re in an argument with a guy and there is no way to win…
Start playing with your boobs!
——————————————–
Most of my problems can be solved with nudity!
What’s Wrong With My Tits?
What’s wrong with my tits?
Can someone explain it to me?
Why must I keep them covered up?
Why can’t they come out to play?
If it weren’t for tits, nobody would be alive
On what would babies feed?
What about the times before bottles?
And what is so evil about tits anyway?
Does anyone think they are dangerous?
How many people have been killed by tits?
Do looking at them make people go blind?
Does anyone think they are gross?
My tits aren’t gross
My tits are awesome!
What would happen if I went shopping topless?
What if I played football for the skins’ team?
Would you really arrest me?
For what crime?
If I can go topless at the beach
Or even completely nude
Then why can’t I strip down anywhere?
What difference would it make?
Give us women our freedom
Wouldn’t that be fair?
Give us this right
Let our tits be bare.