Lost My Virginity

A boy comes home from school and says to his mom,” I lost my virginity today”.

His mom replies angrily, “You tell your father about what you’ve done, when he gets home!” His dad comes home about twenty minutes later and he tells his dad that he lost his virginity. His dad says, “Good job son! How was it?

Then the son says, “It was pretty good Dad, but do you have any Vaseline? My ass hurts.

Red Tomatoes

A beautiful woman is having trouble growing tomatoes… seems she can’t get them to turn red!

She knows it is not the weather or the soil as the man next door has a garden full of big red tomatoes.

She asks him about his secret…

“Twice a day” he says “I stand naked in front of the tomatoes, they blush and turn bright red.”

This sounds foolish, but what the heck, so she spends the next few days standing nude in her garden.

A week goes by and she runs into her neighbor and he asks…

“Have your tomatoes turned red?”

“Not really” she says…”but the strangest thing has happened… the cucumbers have swollen up and are standing on end.”

Blind Cowboy in Blonde Bar

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake…

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him say, ‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a ‘Billy-Club’.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

‘Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy… Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’

The blind Cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No… not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times…’

Answers To Hot Questions

Q: Why  do men ask for a woman’s hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.

Q: What’s common between men and video?
A: Both go backward… Forward… Backward… Forward… Backward… Forward… Stop and eject.

Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and a woman?
A: Riding a bicycle you fix your ass & move your legs, riding a woman You fix your legs & move your ass.

Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman’s underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at night.

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman’s period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn’t come means you are in big trouble

Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A: A teabag.

Q: Who is a gynecologist?
A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place, where most people find pleasure.

Q: What’s the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks Like his dad, then it is biology. When the baby looks like neighbor, then it is sociology.

The Creation of a Pussy

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design.

  • First was a butcher, smart with wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit.
  • Second was a carpenter, strong and bold with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole
  • Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within.
  • Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without.
  • Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell.
  • Sixth was a preacher whose name was McGee touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.
  • Last came a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it and called it a cunt.