James Bond and Attractive Woman

A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?” “No,”
he replies, “Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”
Bond explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”
The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”
“Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.”
The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I’m wearing panties!”

Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, “Bloody thing’s an hour fast.

Funny Phrases

  1. When I was born, I was given a choice – A big dick or a good memory. I don’t remember, what I chose.
  2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
  3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
  4. Impotence: Nature’s way of saying ‘No hard feelings…’
  5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – “don’t” and “stop”, unless they are used together.
  6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
  7. There are three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
  8. Virginity can be cured.
  9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
  10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
  11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
  12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
  13. Q: What’s an Australian kiss?
    A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
  14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing…
  15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
    A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn’t
  16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    A: Breasts don’t have eyes.
  17. Despite the old saying, ‘ Don ‘t take your troubles to bed’, many men still sleep with their wives!!
  18. Breasts are proof that men can focus on 2 things at a time.