Typical male!

A man parks his car a the supermarket and is walking past an empty cart when he hears a woman ask, “Excuse me, do you want that cart?”

“No,” he answers, “I’m only after one thing.”

As he gets closer to the store, he hears the woman murmur under her breath, “Typical male!”

Golf – The Games People Play !

Two women were playing golf.

One tee’d off and watched in horror, as her golf ball, headed directly towards four men, playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed over to the man and immediately began to apologize.

She said anxiously to him … ” Please allow me to help. I am a Physiotherapist. I know I could relieve your pain, if you would allow me ”

The man replied in pain … ” Oh, no ! I shall be all right. I should be fine, in a few minutes ”

But he was clearly still in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. The woman persisted on helping him.

Finally, he allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side. She loosened his pants. She put her hand under his brief. She cupped his testicles very gently and started soothingly massaging them. She continued doing so, for almost 2-3 minutes. The man shut his eyes and was obviously enjoying the massage !

Finally, continuing to massage his testicles, she asked him, ” How does that feel ? ”

The man replied … ” Ma’am, this feels like heaven ! I am thoroughly enjoying your hands on my testicles. But I am still a bit worried that, maybe I may have broken my thumb !!! “

The Geography of a Man and Woman

The Geography of a Woman

  • Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
  • Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
  • Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
  • Between 36 and 30, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
  • Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.
  • Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn’t make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
  • Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
  • After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages, An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

The Geography of a Man

  • Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran, ruled by the nuts.

The End.

Free For The Last 16 Years

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.

He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, “I’ll be 16 tomorrow.”

“I know,” said the butcher with a smile, “I’ve been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she’ll get, and watch the expression on her face.”

When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, “Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!”


A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perked up and said, ‘How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!’

‘What a coincidence’ the farmer said. ‘This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.’

This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,’ said the woman.’

‘What a coincidence!’ said the farmer. As they clinked glasses he added, ‘What are you celebrating?’

‘My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my Gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!’

‘What a coincidence!’ said the man. ‘I’m a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.’

‘That’s great!’ said the woman, ‘How did your chickens become fertile?’

‘I used a different cock,’ he replied.

The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, ‘What a coincidence!’