A sexy woman walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over. She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager.

The Bartender replies, “Sorry, the manager is out. Can I help you?”

By this time the woman has run her fingers over his face and in his mouth where the horny bartender is gently sucking on them. She says, “You sure he isn’t here?”

The bartender mumbles through her fingers, “Yes, he’s out for another 2 hours. Are you sure there is nothing I can do to help?”

The woman then says, “Oh, I only wanted to tell him there’s no toilet paper or soap in the ladies toilets!”

Little 6-year old John Smith’s parents felt really horny at 11 AM on Sunday and wanted to make love, but had to get John away for at least one hour. So they told him to go to the balcony and report all activities of their neighbours for the next hour. Being the innocent, dutiful son he was raised to be, he did as he was told.

His parents amused themselves, and then came the formality of the report at 12 PM.

John said “For the past hour, the Wilsons were watching TV, Mr. Cole was playing the piano, the Johnsons were playing carrom together and the Donalds were having sex.”

His parents were shocked! They asked him “How do you know that?” He said “Their son was out on the balcony too.”

Guy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs.
Guy: Do they swell?
Girl: No. They spread.

Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your bra.”
Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.”

Boy 2 laughed…
Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 2: “I saw your bra straps.”
Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one month.”

Teacher bent down to pickup a chalk. Boy 3 started walking out of the class…
Teacher: “Why are you leaving?”
Boy 3: “I think my school days are over.”

One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops.

“What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer.

“Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”

The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.”

The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?”

The little girl replies, “Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”