- Every day, around 100 million acts of sexual intercourse are performed. That means that roughly 65,000 couples (or trios) are having sex right now.
- There are just seven calories in a teaspoon of semen.
- If you’re not sexually active, your willy may shrink.
- Sperm contains a protein with anti-wrinkle properties
- Onepoll.com, a global research site, reported that women believe that men from Italy, Spain and Brazil are the best lovers.
- Apparently, men have evolved to focus on the feature of a woman that suggest fertility: large breast, small waist and full hips indicate that a woman is healthy, young and not already pregnant.
- In ancient China people used to drink mercury or lead after sex to prevent pregnancy; unfortunately that often lead to sterility or even death.
- Strippers earn more money when ovulating, probably because of sex-stimulating pheromones.
- The Greeks claim to have the most sex (87% say they have sex once a week).
- One testicle is a little lower than the other so they don’t squash each other when a man is moving.
My nookie days are over,
my pilot light is out,
What used to be my sex appeal
is now my water spout!
Time was when, on its own,
From my trousers it would spring,
But now its just a full time job
To find the fucking thing!
It used to be Embarrassing
The way it would behave,
for every single morning
it would stand & watch me shave!
Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues,
To see it hang its little head
& watch me tie my shoes!
The government today announced that it is changing its national symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance.
A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed. Damn, it just doesn’t get more accurate than that!
One day a little boy sees his mother stepping out of the shower and curiously points to her triangle of hair and asks, “Mommy, what’s that?”
“That’s my mop”, she replies. The little boy then asks, “Where is the handle?” The mother replies, “Oh, Dad is going to put it on tonight.”
Ive never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing Or why men think with their head and women with their heart.
For example…One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion started to heat up, but then she said “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”
So she said the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear… “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day, I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, high-end department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a tsunami. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. But, I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”
She appeared to be almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear; let’s go to the cashier.”
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?”
I then said “Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial means as a man, enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”
Apparently, I’m not having sex tonight either…