Old Man and 18 Year Old Bride

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A 90 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.

“I’ve never been better!” he boasted. “I’ve got an eighteen year old bride who’s pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?”

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, “Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season.

But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.”

The doctor continued, “So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle.” “And do you know what happened?” the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied “No”.

The doctor continued, “The bear dropped dead in front of him!”

“That’s impossible!” exclaimed the old man. “Someone else must have shot that bear.”

“That’s kind of what I’m getting at…” replied the doctor.

Knowledge Updates

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  1. If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And t hat was the origin of “buy one get one free”!!
  2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman’s upper body starts with a “B”. Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body. With a “P” Petticoat, panties, pussy… No wonder men suffer from high B P!
  3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you’re screwed.
  4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got screwed to achieve it.
  5. What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the Fuck! And What a Fuck!
  6. 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you ‘HANDSOME’, don’t take it as a compliment!
  7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
  8. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife’s panties wet, not her eyes.
    A wife is supposed to make her husband’s dick hard, not his life..!
  9. When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say “Congrats!”.
    But none of them come and touch the man’s Penis and say “Well done!”.
    Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only result matters.
  10. The Bible says to love one another, The Kamasutra shows you how.

Now that I’ve educated. You, go ahead and educate someone else.

Craziest Birth Control Methods

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  1. Crocodile Dung: Ancient Egyptian documents dating back to 1850 B.C. Describe how pessaries — objects or concoctions inserted into the vagina to block sperm — made of crocodile dung, honey, and sodium carbonate were common contraceptive methods. Crocodile dung is actually slightly alkaline, like modern-day spermicides, so it might have worked.
  2. Weasel’s Testicles: Medieval cultures had some creative ways to stave off babies, like tying a weasel’s testicles around their inner thighs. According to the myth, if one takes the two testicles of a weasel and wraps them up, binding them to the thigh of a woman who wears also a weasel bone on her, she will no longer be able to conceive. Obviously, the method is nonsense.
  3. Mercury: More dangerous contraceptive practices included the drinking of lead and mercury by Chinese women thousands of years ago. This deadly potion was used by concubines in ancient China in order to remain sterile. These substances are known to cause things like kidney failure, brain damage and, of course, death.
  4. Brewed Tea With Beaver Testicles: This practice dates back to the 16th century in Canada, when women sought to prevent conception by soaking dried beaver testicles in a concentrated solution of alcohol and then deeply drinking the resulting infuse. There is no record of its effectiveness.
  5. Continue reading

Pack of condoms

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A man walks into a drug store with his 13-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display.
The boy asks, What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, Those are called condoms, son… Men use them to have safe sex.
Oh I see, replied the boy pensively. Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, Why are there 3 in this package?
The Dad replies, Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.
Cool! says the boy.
He notices a 6 pack and asks, Then who are these for?
Those are for college boys. The dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.
WOW! exclaimed the boy, then who uses THESE? he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March…

Bartender and a Man

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 10 shots of tequila. The bartender serves him his drinks and watches as the man drinks the first shot, spits it out and says “man that boy sure can drive!” the man continues to do this with the other 9 shots repeating over and over “man that boy sure can drive!”

The bartender, getting a little pissed that the man was wasting his drinks, ask the man why he is spitting all his tequila on the floor.
The man replies. Well my friend and me were driving down this little 2-lane road. We were going about 50 mph and we look behind us and there is a big ass semi coming behind us at like 80 mph. and I turned to my friend, who was driving, and said. Continue reading