Name Of Penis

One day after a long days work a man walks into a bar. He realizes that it’s a gay bar, but decided to stay anyway.

The bartender approaches and says what’s the name of your penis.
The man replies, “I’m not like that, I just want a drink,”
The bartender says, “I can’t serve you until you give the name of your penis. For example the name of my penis is Nike, for the slogan just do it. I’ll come back in a few minutes.”
So the man thinks and turns to the man on his left and asks him the name of his penis.
The man replies, “It’s Timex, it takes a licking and keeps on ticking.”
The man then turns to his right and asks him. He replies “It’s Ford. Have you driven a ford lately?”
The man thinks and then calls the bartender over.
“I got a name, it’s Secret”
Why is it secret, asked the bartender?
The man says “it’s strong enough for a man but made for a woman”

James Bond and Attractive Woman

A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?” “No,”
he replies, “Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”
Bond explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”
The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”
“Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.”
The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I’m wearing panties!”

Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, “Bloody thing’s an hour fast.

Biology class

During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class,
Why is it that during childhood girls tend to grow taller than guys?
Little Johnny raised his hand and replied,
That’s because guys have balls and that weighs them down.
The teacher, a bit annoyed, responded,
Then why is it that at maturity guys tend to grow taller than girls?
Little Johnny countered by saying,
That’s because girls get breasts and they are heavier than the guy’s balls.

Beautiful Girl at Chemist Shop

A beautiful hot looking girl in a short skirt was standing outside a Chemist shop
She was definitely waiting for the crowd to disperse whilst the shop owner spotted her waiting and got suspicious.
After 20 minutes there was no customer in the shop and she was all alone, then she entered and walked straight to the counter…
She made sign language to a salesman and called him near her
The shop owner further got alert and suspicious by now. He was eager to see her requirement.
She sneaked her hand in a purse and pulled out a hand written paper directing it to the salesman and whispered…
“Bro, I am soon getting married to a doctor, this is his first letter to me can you please read it out?”

Skeptical Man and Super Computer

They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, “Where is my father?”

The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with “Your father is fishing in Michigan.”

The skeptical man said triumphantly, “You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for twenty years.”

“No”, replied the super computer immediately. “Your mother’s husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout.”